In Pieces

Despite burning myself, cutting my finger, bumping my head to the car door, knocking a bucket of water off and slipping onto the floor within 24 hours, I should be thankful on Thanksgiving that I am still one piece.

Thought, I am not in one piece, I have been in very much in pieces. There’s a lot going on and I wish I didn’t need to think about them. I wish ‘life was simple’ and everything was going to have a happy ending.

I wrote about walking in the limbo with loss in my thesis 10 years ago, and a decade after, I am experiencing another sense of loss: the loss to something I am not able to have. Now it makes me think about what it will be in the next 10 years. I guess that’s why we say, c’est la vie, because we are all going through different stage of loss while time passes us by.

Life is just like making a photograph, it goes good or bad, too overexposed or underexposed. Regardless the result, it’s the experience that matters. I can make and edit photographs every day for the rest of my life. It’s like the time in the darkroom, making the image you want to make, and it’s different in its unique way every single time. Sometimes it can be so bad that you tear them up and throw into the trash; but sometimes it turns out so good that you cherish forever though it didn’t turn out the way you would want it to be…

Photography always heal me, and I know it will heal me once more.

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… I wish I was living in the house of my dream…